"Starting Over, Yet Again"

I'm not sure what you want to hear, dear reader. That I am super regretful I have not posted in such a long while? How I have in fact, composed a few posts (which I like to call 'composting'--) except that I never actually get far enough to hit the post button for you to read it...!? Or explain that there are many conditions to which I write: Good music flowing in my ears, ample time and energy to research, absorb, and regurgitate, and of course fresh and fevering style. As Michael Ventura writes in his column, Letters at 3 A.M.: Beginnings, "You don't write for yourself. You write to communicate something to someone worth talking to." And so, if it weren't for or in spite of all of these things, a half-ass post just wouldn't be my style.

So there's inspiration, compilation, termination--sometimes the piece is just shit; self doubt and remorse for time wasted, the empty calories that entertained along the way--and those guys can be long term. Some 500-words and re-writes later, (and hours! Oh, you hours) it starts to make sense.

I would say the same of people and experiences. Sometimes you're not sure of someone or something and there's no time to figure it out, so you just do it. Or you don't and all you're left with is wondering what might have been. There's the first time you meet, the moments shared learning one another and then comes the decision of how's it going to be. If it's not what you want, inevitably comes the 3 A.M. combo kick of self doubt-remorse-and why did I just eat that bag of chips?!
"I could not understand and admit that I was terrified," Ventura writes. "Not of failure. Of exposure."

I decided a long time ago I wouldn't let those I love walk away without knowing so. I think the hardest part is allowing these things in and out and of course, sharing the sentiment. There are many ways to do this but my favourite, and most baring, is with a Pretty Cheap Dress.

Thank you for reading, for your kind and encouraging words, and continued support! I love you! I do! I do! I do! -

-PCD